“We’re on a tight budget.”

Yes, I know (but I don’t say it out loud). Times are tough, money is tight, and everyone is trying to save a buck. But lately, I’ve been hearing this way too much.

And you wouldn’t believe the trends I’m starting to see! Flower-less centerpieces, DIY linen installations, sub-par vendors, and more! It sounds funny, but in the end, it’s really not.

Maybe you’d like to poll the guests from a recent wedding that I coordinated (notice I said coordinated, NOT planned). The bride contacted me to help her with the reception design and we put together a great look for her. However, she insisted that she wanted the reception to be ‘cocktail style’ – meaning that she wanted the guests to mingle – therefore she only ordered 100 chairs for 200 people…. Hmmmm…. I think you can see where I’m going with this.

“What’s your budget?” I ask. Rarely do I receive a truthful answer, that is, until I quote a price. It’s not a problem because I know my services are not inexpensive. I charge what I’m worth: I’m an educated, experienced, nationally recognized industry professional. I work with clients and couples who realize that what I bring to the event planning process is more than the ability to create a memorable day – I help them create amazing and memorable moments. I am a specialist; it’s like comparing stitches to brain surgery.

Anyway, I do appreciate that many people are on a budget. Whenever possible I do the best I can to meet them where they’d like to be. After all, I love what I do, so for me there’s a lot more to it than the paycheck.

In a previous post, I wrote about how Brides and Grooms can protect themselves while shopping for vendors. Check it out – there is a lot of good advice there. This post centers on something different; it’s about being realistic. There seems to be a trend towards style over substance. Let’s go back to my story about the bride with the 200 guests. Do you think those guests cared how good the room looked when they realized they might have to stand for the rest of the evening? Nope – they bailed at their first opportunity. Do you think they felt valued and appreciated? Nope.

It’s my responsibility to tell my clients if something won’t work, or doesn’t work well. I educate them. What I’m seeing lately is so many people (future brides and grooms, potential clients) who are out of touch with what things cost being serviced by vendors who want to say yes (because they need the business) – this is not exactly a recipe for success.

My free advice for today is this: If you truly can’t afford the wedding of your dreams – put it off and save more money. If you want to save an extreme amount of money without cutting corners, scale back your guest list, move up your wedding date and consider a week-day event. Also, if you’re planning a wedding or special event be a good host! – that’s just good manners.

A few days ago I was confronted with a situation where a Vendor that I referred (not just any vendor, someone I refer a lot, a friend even…) told me that they had provided vendor referrals to my/our client. Upon learning this, I must have said something in my moment of shock because the Vendor said, “well, I figure you refer them too” -which I do, because XYZ service is a great company, but just not one of the two names I gave this particular Client.

I mean, as the bride’s Consultant – and a well qualified consultant to boot – it’s my job to assess her needs and recommend vendors that I believe would be a good fit for her. The Client has made the decision to hire me and follow my recommendations (and there is no kickback or referral fee involved at all!). I strongly believe that vendors should honor this agreement / arrangement / contract, therefore, I was having trouble grasping the fact that a trusted vendor would essentially override my authority by offering vendor recommendations. AND, even though I can imagine a multitude of scenarios where the client might casually ask a vendor their opinion about something, I don’t understand how / why this vendor didn’t respect me enough to refer the client back to me. They simply could have said “Elisa knows so many people, I’m sure she’d be happy to give you more names” or “Elisa only works with the best, after all she sent you to me” or something to reinforce the clients’ faith in me….

Unfortunately, this is not the first time that this has happened to me. I mean, I’d bet is was not any vendor’s intention to be disrespectful; in fact, I’m sure they were trying to be helpful. But, considering that we (Consultants/Planners in general) are paid by our clients for (among other things) referrals to vendors, you’d think that the vendors would show a little more discretion.

If you’re a vendor and you’re reading this, always remember where your Client came from. If the Client came by way of referral from a Planner/Consultant, you need to fight you inner urge to be “Super Vendor” (”the one with all the answers“) and direct the Client and any questions they may have back to their Consultant.

If you’re a Client or potential Client, remember this: As your Consultant I do not offer referrals based on kickbacks (compensation for the referral). As a Consultant, I will listen to your needs and offer advice based on my assessment of what you’re looking for. I will provide a short list of top professionals based on price, personality and style, but can provide many more additional names if needed. However, if you ask the DJ who makes the best wedding cakes, or if you ask the invitation lady which photographer is better, you might be shooting yourself in the foot (so to speak) because you don’t really know what the other vendor’s motivation is… Think about it: Is the invitation lady going to ensure that the photographer will work well with the other vendors on-site and execute his/her job to your satisfaction?

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